‘Twas the night before Christmas
\nOld Santa was pissed
\nHe cussed out the elves
\nand threw down his list
\nMiserable little brats
\nungrateful little jerks
\nI have good mind to scrap the whole works
\nI’ve busted my ass for damn near a year
\nInstead of “Thanks Santa”
\nwhat do I hear
\nThe old lady bitches cause I work late at night
\nThe elves want more money
\nThe reindeer all fight
\nRudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
\nDonna is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
\nAnd just when I thought that things would get better
\nThose assholes from IRS sent me a letter
\nThey say I owe taxes
\nif that ain’t damn funny
\nWho the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money
\nAnd the kids these days
\nthey all are the pits
\nThey want the impossible
\nThose mean little shits
\nI spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
\nAssembling dolls…
\nTheir arms, legs and heads
\nI made a ton of yo yo’s
\nNo request for them
\nThey want computers and robots…
\nthey think I’m IBM!
\nIf you think that’s bad…
\njust picture this
\nTry holding those brats…
\nwith their pants full of piss
\nThey pull on my nose
\nthey grab at my beard
\nAnd if I don’t smile…
\nthe parents think I’m weird
\nFlying through the air…
\ndodging the trees
\nFalling down chimneys and skinning my knees
\nI’m quitting this job…
\nthere’s just no enjoyment
\nI’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
\nThere’s no Christmas this year…
\nnow you know the reason
\nI found me a blonde…
\nI’m going South for the season!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
‘Twas the night before Christmas Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” what do I hear The old lady bitches […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,64],"tags":[370,748],"class_list":["post-4180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","category-twas","tag-christmas","tag-grumpy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4180"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4180\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4180"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4180"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}