{"id":4164,"date":"2015-03-01T14:29:56","date_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:29:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4164"},"modified":"2015-03-01T14:29:56","modified_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:29:56","slug":"twas-the-day-after-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4164","title":{"rendered":"‘Twas the Day After Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"
‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
\nEvery creature was hurtin’, even the mouse.
\nThe toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
\nSanta passed out, with some ice on his head.
\nWrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
\nUpstairs the family continued to snore.
\nAnd I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
\nI went into the kitchen and started to clean.
\nWhen out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
\nI sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
\nAway to the window I flew like a flash,
\nTore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
\nWhen what to my wondering eyes should appear,
\nBut a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
\nThe driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
\nThe patch on his jacket said “U.S. POSTMAN.”
\nWith a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
\nThen quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
\nBill after bill, after bill, they still came.
\nWhistling and shouting he called them by name:
\n“Now Dillard’s, now Broadway’s, now Penny’s and Sears
\nHere’s Robinson’s, Levitz’s and Target and Mervyn’s.
\nTo the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
\nNow charge away–charge away–charge away all!”
\nHe whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
\nHe filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
\nHe sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
\nDriving much faster with just half a load.
\nThen I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
\n“Enjoy what you got. . . . . .you’ll be paying all year!”\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin’, even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while Upstairs the family continued to snore. And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,64],"tags":[370],"class_list":["post-4164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","category-twas","tag-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4164"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4164\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}