{"id":4162,"date":"2015-03-01T14:28:50","date_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:28:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4162"},"modified":"2015-03-01T14:28:50","modified_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:28:50","slug":"you-didnt-win-the-halloween-costume-contest-because","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4162","title":{"rendered":"You Didn&#8217;t Win the Hallowe&#8217;en Costume Contest Because&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass, not the other way around.<\/li>\n<li>&#8216;Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.<\/li>\n<li>Your &#8220;Naked Linda Tripp&#8221; costume is actually more nauseating than scary.<\/li>\n<li>Your &#8220;Yanni&#8221; costume got you beat up on the way to the party &#8212; four times.<\/li>\n<li>Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your &#8220;Diggler&#8221; is stuck in the car door.<\/li>\n<li>Your beret falls off every time you kneel.<\/li>\n<p><li>Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check.<br \/>\nCan of Homer Simpson &#8220;Duff Beer&#8221;? Check.<br \/>\nHomer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.<\/li>\n<li>This year&#8217;s guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.<\/li>\n<li>Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.<\/li>\n<li>The judges wrongly interpreted your &#8220;Liposuction By-product&#8221; costume as a &#8220;Bowl of Tapioca Pudding&#8221; costume.<\/li>\n<li>The only song you knew to go with the costume was &#8220;Mammy,&#8221; and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.<\/li>\n<li>*Nobody* likes a farting clown.<\/li>\n<li>After your roommate insisted on being the front legs, you began to suspect that a burrito dinner wasn&#8217;t such a good idea.<\/li>\n<li>Your &#8220;Ally McBeal&#8221; barfed in the judge&#8217;s trick or treat bag.<\/li>\n<li>The Nike swoosh &#8212; while obscene to some &#8212; is just not all that scary emblazoned on a white sheet.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Hey! Blue dress with a stain and a cigar! Why didn&#8217;t I think of that??&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Somehow your Snoop Dog costume just didn&#8217;t go over that big at the Quayle house.<\/li>\n<li>Your kindergarten students failed to see the humor in your &#8220;Road Kill Barney&#8221; costume.<\/li>\n<li>Unlike thousands of other Monica look-alikes, the semen on your dress is not *really* the President&#8217;s semen.<\/li>\n<li>Although your &#8220;Internal Bus Architecture of the Intel Celeron Chip&#8221; costume was a big hit with the other engineers at the office, things are different out in the real world.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t get the zipper on your Bill Clinton costume to stay down.<\/li>\n<li>Looks like &#8220;Viagra Man&#8221; will be spending Halloween in jail for indecent exposure.<\/li>\n<li>Something in her eyes tells you there was an inherent flaw in your plan of dressing up as the hostess&#8217;s dead husband in order to get laid.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass, not the other way around. &#8216;Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy. Your &#8220;Naked Linda Tripp&#8221; costume is actually more nauseating than scary. Your &#8220;Yanni&#8221; costume got you beat [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[760],"class_list":["post-4162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-halloween"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4162"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4162\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}