‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all I could hear
\nWas my party guests screaming, “We’ve run out of beer!”
\nI laughed for a moment, said, “They’re pulling my leg,”
\nFor I had just tapped a half-barrel keg.<\/p>\n
“No, really, we’re out!” someone shrieked out of fright.
\nAnd the crowd grew more restless, surely there would be a fight.
\n“Now relax,” I said calmly “I’ve got plenty more brew.”
\n“I’ve got Coors in the pantry, and Schlitz in the loo.”<\/p>\n
But my pantry was bare, and my fridge empty, too,
\nGone, too was the six-pack I kept in the loo.
\nMy pulse quickly rose and my heart sank with fear
\nFor what kind of people could drink that much beer?<\/p>\n
I looked at my guests; some invited, some not.
\nAnd I smelled the unmistakable sweet smell of pot.
\nThen I saw two girls giggle with glassy-eyed grins.
\nThere was no mistaking: It was the Bush Twins.<\/p>\n
They had drank all my beer and smoked all my stash.
\nNow I was lamenting my Christmas Eve bash.
\nThe girls were shot-gunning the last can of Bud,
\nWhen up on the roof I heard a great THUD!<\/p>\n
Then down from the chimney came a jolly fat dude.
\nHe said, “Ran out of beer? Aw, man that’s just rude.
\n“Lucky for you, you’ve been a good boy.
\n“So I will provide you with great Christmas joy.”<\/p>\n
And out of his sack he proceeded to bring
\ncases of beer (Oh, it made my heart sing).
\nMore Bud and more Coors, even Michelob Light
\nMore Killian’s and Beck’s; what a wonderful sight!<\/p>\n
My guests started cheering, the Bush girls did flips.
\nEven the secret service were whetting their lips.
\nThe Kennedy’s came by; John Daly did, too.
\nThe Spirit of Christmas was sure coming through.<\/p>\n
I looked out my window and spotted St. Nick
\nChugging a pitcher, and chugging it quick!
\nAnd I heard him exclaim as he flew fast away,
\n“Drink, but don’t drive” as he crashed his new sleigh.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all I could hear Was my party guests screaming, “We’ve run out of beer!” I laughed for a moment, said, “They’re pulling my leg,” For I had just tapped a half-barrel keg. “No, really, we’re out!” someone shrieked out of fright. And the crowd grew more restless, surely there […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,64],"tags":[220,370],"class_list":["post-4143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","category-twas","tag-beer","tag-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4143","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4143"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4143\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4143"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4143"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4143"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}