‘Twas the night before Christmas
\nwhen all through the house
\nI searched for the tools
\nto hand to my spouse
\nInstructions were studied
\nand we were inspired,
\nin hopes we could manage
\n“Some Assembly Required.”
\nThe children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
\nwhile Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
\na kitchen, two bikes, Barbie’s town house to boot!
\nAnd, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
\nWe opened the boxes,
\nmy heart skipped a beat- let no parts be missing
\nor parts incomplete!
\nToo late for last-minute returns or replacement;
\nif we can’t get it right, it goes in the basement!
\nWhen what to my worrying eyes should appear
\nbut 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
\nWith each part numbered and every slot named,
\nso if we failed, only we could be blamed.
\nMore rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
\nall over the carpet they were scattered about.
\n“Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
\nSlide on the seats, and staple the stair!
\nHammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.”
\n“Honey,” said hubby, “you just glued my hand.”
\nAnd then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
\nthat all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
\nto keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
\nwith “assembly required” till morning’s first light
\nWe spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
\ntill our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
\nThe coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
\nbefore we attached the last rod and last pin.
\nThen laying the tools away in the chest,
\nwe fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
\nBut I said to my husband just before I passed out,
\n“This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
\nTomorrow we’ll cheer, let the holiday ring,
\nand not have to run to the store for a thing!
\nWe did it! We did it! The toys are all set
\nfor the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!”
\nThen off to dreamland and sweet repose
\nI gratefull went, though I suppose
\nthere’s something to say for those self-deluded-
\nI’d forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse Instructions were studied and we were inspired, in hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required.” The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, while Dad and I faced the evening with dread: a kitchen, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,64],"tags":[209,370],"class_list":["post-4141","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","category-twas","tag-batteries","tag-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4141","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4141"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4141\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4141"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4141"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4141"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}