Money’s Short
\nTimes are Hard
\nHere’s your F***ing
\nChristmas Card <\/p>\n
Twas the night before Christmas
\nand all through the house
\neveryone felt shitty
\neven the mouse <\/p>\n
Mom at the whorehouse
\nand dad smoking grass
\nI’d just settled down
\nfor a nice piece of ass<\/p>\n
When out on the lawn
\nI heard such a clatter
\nI sprung from my piece
\nto see what’s the matter<\/p>\n
Then out on the lawn
\nI saw a big dick
\nI knew in a moment
\nit must be Saint Nick<\/p>\n
He came down the chimney
\nlike a bat out of hell
\nI knew in a moment
\nthe old f***er fell <\/p>\n
He filled all our stockings
\nwith pretzels and beer
\nand a big rubber dick
\nfor my brother the queer <\/p>\n
He rose up the chimney
\nwith a thuderous fart
\nthe son of a bitch
\nblew the chimney apart<\/p>\n
He swore and he cursed
\nas he rode out of sight
\npiss on you all
\nand have a good night <\/p>\n
Have A Nice Christmas, Asshole<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Money’s Short Times are Hard Here’s your F***ing Christmas Card Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass I’d just settled down for a nice piece of ass When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[370],"class_list":["post-4135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4135","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4135"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4135\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4135"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4135"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4135"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}