‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shack,
\nNot a darn thing was a movin’, from the front to the back.<\/p>\n
The kids were in bed, we had nine at the time.
\nThe wife in her curlers, was lookin’ real fine.<\/p>\n
A cold wind was blowing’, Up the holler it moaned.
\nTen dogs on the porch all howled and groaned.<\/p>\n
The boys were all dreamin’ of weapons and guns
\nfor killin’ God’s creatures, there’s no better fun!<\/p>\n
The girls in their feminine dreams were attuned
\nTo getting those gallons of Wal-Mart perfume.<\/p>\n
The wife wanted jewelry, like rings with big rocks.
\nI just weanted my Chevy down off of them blocks.<\/p>\n
The out in the yard such a noise did commence.
\nLike something was caught in our new bob-war fence.<\/p>\n
I ran to the window, and saw pretty quick.
\nThe man makin’ the racket was good ol’ St. Nick.<\/p>\n
You may think of Santa in your own mind’s eye,
\ndressed in a red and white suit, but I’ve got a surprise.<\/p>\n
That old boy’s an Arkie, from up near Mt. Gaylor.
\nHe married his cousin and they live in a trailer.<\/p>\n
On Christmas, of course, a sleigh for his rig,
\nhe hooks the thing up to a razorback pig!<\/p>\n
He climbed on the roof, with his bag full of goodies,
\nhe backed down the fireplace, all dirty and sooty<\/p>\n
Fat legs in his britches, chubby hands in his mittens,
\nI must admit from the back he looked lots like Bill Clinton.<\/p>\n
He turned toward the tree, his eyes all aglow,
\nHe was an Arkansas boy from his head to his toe.<\/p>\n
His neck was a red one, his shirt said, “Lite Beer”,
\nhe had no red hat on, but his cap read, “John Deere”.<\/p>\n
He left all the presents, with an air of delight,
\nthen back to the chimney, and into the night.<\/p>\n
He ran into the yard, threw his bag in the sleigh,
\nthen he yelled at the dogs, “Get the hell out th’ way!”<\/p>\n
I ran out to ask him why he brought such good cheer;
\nbut instead he just asked me, “You get you a deer?”<\/p>\n
Then I heard him exclaim, as those pigs took flight,
\n“Merry Christmas to all… I need a Bud Lite!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shack, Not a darn thing was a movin’, from the front to the back. The kids were in bed, we had nine at the time. The wife in her curlers, was lookin’ real fine. A cold wind was blowing’, Up the holler it moaned. Ten dogs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,54,64],"tags":[154,370],"class_list":["post-4131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","category-season","category-twas","tag-arkansas","tag-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}