{"id":4121,"date":"2015-03-01T14:07:45","date_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:07:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4121"},"modified":"2015-03-01T14:07:45","modified_gmt":"2015-03-01T12:07:45","slug":"the-dichotomy-of-jewish-mothers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4121","title":{"rendered":"The Dichotomy of Jewish Mothers"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>On the first night of Chanukah, my Jewish mother said,<br \/>\n&#8220;You&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the second night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Have a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the third night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Here&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the fourth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Taste my sugar cookies,<br \/>\nhere&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the fifth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;YOU&#8217;RE GETTING FAT!<br \/>\ntaste my sugar cookies,<br \/>\nhere&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the sixth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Don&#8217;t you like the doughnuts?<br \/>\nYOU&#8217;RE GETTING FAT!<br \/>\ntaste my sugar cookies,<br \/>\nhere&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the seventh night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Take another brownie,<br \/>\nYOU&#8217;RE GETTING FAT!<br \/>\ntaste my sugar cookies,<br \/>\nhere&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the eighth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me,<br \/>\n&#8220;Try my home-made strudel,<br \/>\ntake another brownie,<br \/>\nYOU&#8217;RE GETTING FAT!<br \/>\ntaste my sugar cookies,<br \/>\nhere&#8217;s your chocolate dreidel,<br \/>\nhave a few more latkes, but<br \/>\nyou&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On the first night of Chanukah, my Jewish mother said, &#8220;You&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221; On the second night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, &#8220;Have a few more latkes, but you&#8217;d better lose some weight or you&#8217;ll be dead.&#8221; On the third night of Chanukah, my mother said to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54],"tags":[765],"class_list":["post-4121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-season","tag-hanukah"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4121"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4121\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}