{"id":4118,"date":"2015-03-01T12:20:05","date_gmt":"2015-03-01T10:20:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4118"},"modified":"2015-03-01T12:20:05","modified_gmt":"2015-03-01T10:20:05","slug":"worst-analogies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4118","title":{"rendered":"Worst Analogies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Winners of the Washington Post&#8217;s &#8220;Worst Analogies Ever Written&#8221; Contest:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><li>He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.<br \/>\n(Joseph Romm, Washington)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.<br \/>\n(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn&#8217;t.<br \/>\n(Russell Beland, Springfield)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.<br \/>\n(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you&#8217;re on vacation in another city and &#8220;Jeopardy&#8221; comes on at 7:30 p.m. instead of 7:00.<br \/>\n(Roy Ashley, Washington)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.<br \/>\n(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.<br \/>\n(Russell Beland, Springfield)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.comaaakk\/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk\/ch@ung by mistake.<br \/>\n(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.<br \/>\n(Unknown)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.<br \/>\n(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.<br \/>\n(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like &#8220;Second Tall Man.&#8221;<br \/>\n(Russell Beland, Springfield)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.<br \/>\n(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.<br \/>\n(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan&#8217;s teeth.<br \/>\n(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.<br \/>\n(Russell Beland, Springfield)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.<br \/>\n(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.<br \/>\n(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.<br \/>\n(Unknown)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Winners of the Washington Post&#8217;s &#8220;Worst Analogies Ever Written&#8221; Contest: He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[136],"class_list":["post-4118","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-word-play","tag-analogy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4118","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4118"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4118\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}