{"id":406,"date":"2014-12-22T01:07:07","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T23:07:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=406"},"modified":"2014-12-22T01:07:07","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T23:07:07","slug":"congress-sanctions-lethal-force-in-road-rage-cases","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=406","title":{"rendered":"Congress Sanctions &#8220;Lethal Force&#8221; in Road Rage Cases"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The US Congress cleared the way for states to approve motorists&#8217; use of &#8220;lethal force&#8221; in dealing with idiot drivers.<\/p>\n<p>Irate driver Ray Owens of Columbus, Ohio, heralded the action by Congress. &#8220;This is truly a great day in our country. I predict a kindler, gentler, and far more productive country as soon as I blow away that asshole who&#8217;s in the right turn only lane with left turn signal on.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Actions that are now covered by the lethal force sanction include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Stopping for a yellow light.<\/li>\n<li>Driving at speeds under the posted speed limit.<\/li>\n<li>Blocking traffic in the right turn lane by deciding to &#8220;go through the light.&#8221;  (Notice, this offense punishable by lethal force if there was a middle lane an offender could have gone in.)<\/li>\n<li>Simultaneous application of make-up and cell phone usage. (Statisticians expect the female population of the United States to go down drastically upon passage.)<\/li>\n<li>Car radios in excess of 80 decibels. If the radio is turned so loud as to cause thumping headaches in other vehicles, Congress has generously waived the constitutional ban on &#8220;Cruel and Unusual&#8221; punishment. Punishment administering drivers are encouraged to &#8220;be creative.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Congress has delayed legislation to send all teenager drivers to the land-mined roads of Bosnia for a mandatory 18 month training period. Representative Pryce (R-Ohio) said, &#8220;The land-mines will insure our teenagers quickly pick up the theory of &#8216;slow and easy&#8217;. Also, loud noises can set off mines, so they&#8217;ll learn how to listen to the radio at much lower volumes. We think it&#8217;s a win-win for everyone. The United States gets better drivers and Bosnia gets much needed pizza-delivery people.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The US Congress cleared the way for states to approve motorists&#8217; use of &#8220;lethal force&#8221; in dealing with idiot drivers. Irate driver Ray Owens of Columbus, Ohio, heralded the action by Congress. &#8220;This is truly a great day in our country. I predict a kindler, gentler, and far more productive country as soon as I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[548],"class_list":["post-406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-car","tag-driving"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=406"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/406\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}