{"id":4053,"date":"2015-02-28T13:34:52","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:34:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4053"},"modified":"2015-02-28T13:34:52","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:34:52","slug":"things-not-to-say-or-do-at-a-job-interview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4053","title":{"rendered":"Things Not to Say or Do at a Job Interview"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>See photo of interviewer&#8217;s family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.<\/li>\n<li>Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; &#8216;Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: &#8216;The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don&#8217;t ya&#8217; think?&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, &#8216;Of course I was totally hammered at the time.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.<\/li>\n<li>Claim you wouldn&#8217;t even need a sit-in&#8217; job if Al Einstein hadn&#8217;t stolen your secret patent for- &#8216;2000 Flushes&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.<\/li>\n<li>Ask if it&#8217;s O.K. that you sit on the floor.<\/li>\n<li>Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.<\/li>\n<li>Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you&#8217;re not leaving.<\/li>\n<li>Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn&#8217;t feel like making anything else up.<\/li>\n<li>Ask a secretary if she&#8217;ll sit on your lap during interview.<\/li>\n<li>Walk into interviewer&#8217;s office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; &#8216;NOW we can begin.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout, &#8220;You mean Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?&#8221;, and run out of the room.<\/li>\n<li>Sniff two of your fingers, hold out toward interviewer, and ask; &#8216;Smell these, these smell funny to you???&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Upon walking in to the office for first time ask reception to hold all your calls.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>See photo of interviewer&#8217;s family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably. Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; &#8216;Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.&#8217; Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: &#8216;The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don&#8217;t ya&#8217; think?&#8217; After detailing your greatest [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[70],"tags":[852],"class_list":["post-4053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-work","tag-interview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4053","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4053"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4053\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4053"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4053"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4053"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}