{"id":4033,"date":"2015-02-28T13:21:31","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:21:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4033"},"modified":"2015-02-28T13:21:31","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:21:31","slug":"if-biblical-headlines-were-written-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4033","title":{"rendered":"If Biblical Headlines Were Written Today"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>On Red Sea crossing:<br \/>\nWETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE<br \/>\nPursuing Environmentalists Killed<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On David vs. Goliath:<br \/>\nHATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION<br \/>\nPsychologist Questions Influence of Rock<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:<br \/>\nFIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY<br \/>\n400 Killed<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On the birth of Christ:<br \/>\nHOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS<br \/>\nAnimal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On feeding the 5,000:<br \/>\nPREACHER STEALS CHILD&#8217;S LUNCH<br \/>\nDisciples Mystified Over Behavior<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On healing the 10 lepers:<br \/>\nLOCAL DOCTOR&#8217;S PRACTICE RUINED<br \/>\n&#8220;Faith Healer&#8221; Causes Bankruptcy<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:<br \/>\nMADMAN&#8217;S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE<br \/>\nLocal Farmer&#8217;s Investment Lost<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>On raising Lazarus from the dead:<br \/>\nFUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK<br \/>\nWill Reading to be Delayed<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed On the birth of Christ: HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS Animal Rights Activists Enraged by [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[55,69],"tags":[770],"class_list":["post-4033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","category-word-play","tag-headlines"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4033","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4033"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4033\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4033"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4033"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4033"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}