{"id":4023,"date":"2015-02-28T13:17:39","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:17:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4023"},"modified":"2015-02-28T13:17:39","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:17:39","slug":"no-excuse-sunday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4023","title":{"rendered":"No Excuse Sunday"},"content":{"rendered":"

To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special ‘No Excuse Sunday.’<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, ‘Sunday is my only day to sleep in.’<\/li>\n
  2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, ‘The roof will cave in if I ever came to church.’<\/li>\n
  3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.<\/li>\n
  4. There will be hearing aids for those who say, ‘The paster speaks too softly,’ and cotton for those who say, ‘He preaches too loudly.’<\/li>\n
  5. Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.<\/li>\n
  6. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.<\/li>\n
  7. There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner too.<\/li>\n
  8. Golf clubs will be available for practice swings for those who like to golf on Sunday.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are proposing to have a special ‘No Excuse Sunday.’ Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, ‘Sunday is my only day to sleep in.’ They will have steel helmets for those who say, ‘The roof will cave in if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[611],"class_list":["post-4023","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-excuses"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4023","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4023"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4023\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4023"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4023"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4023"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}