{"id":4021,"date":"2015-02-28T13:17:00","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4021"},"modified":"2015-02-28T13:17:00","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:17:00","slug":"things-you-never-hear-in-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4021","title":{"rendered":"Things You Never Hear in Church"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Hey! It&#8217;s my turn to sit in the front pew.<\/li>\n<li>I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.<\/li>\n<li>Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.<\/li>\n<li>I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.<\/li>\n<li>Forget the denominational minimum salary, let&#8217;s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.<\/li>\n<li>I love it when we sing hymns I&#8217;ve never heard before!<\/li>\n<li>Since we&#8217;re all here, let&#8217;s start the service early.<\/li>\n<li>Pastor, we&#8217;d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.<\/li>\n<li>Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hey! It&#8217;s my turn to sit in the front pew. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. I&#8217;ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists. I volunteer to be the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[374],"class_list":["post-4021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-church"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4021","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4021"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4021\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}