{"id":4019,"date":"2015-02-28T13:16:21","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:16:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=4019"},"modified":"2015-02-28T13:16:21","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T11:16:21","slug":"more-church-bulletin-typos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=4019","title":{"rendered":"More Church Bulletin Typos"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.<\/li>\n<li>Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER &#038; FASTING Conference: &#8220;The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.<\/li>\n<li>Miss Charlene Mason sang &#8220;I will not pass this way again&#8221; giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ladies, don&#8217;t forget the rummage sale. It&#8217;s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don&#8217;t forget your husbands.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.<\/li>\n<li>The sermon this morning: &#8220;Jesus Walks on the Water.&#8221; The sermon tonight:  &#8220;Searching for Jesus&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.<\/li>\n<li>Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say &#8220;hell&#8221; to someone who doesn&#8217;t care much about you.<\/li>\n<li>Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.<\/li>\n<li>Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.<\/li>\n<li>Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.<\/li>\n<li>The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.<\/li>\n<li>Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.<\/li>\n<li>The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare&#8217;s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<\/li>\n<li>Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.<\/li>\n<li>The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.<\/li>\n<li>The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, &#8220;Break Forth Into Joy.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.<\/li>\n<li>Our next song is &#8220;Angels We Have Heard Get High.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Evening Massage &#8211; 6 p.m.<\/li>\n<li>Ushers will eat latecomers.<\/li>\n<li>The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister&#8217;s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.<\/li>\n<li>On a church bulletin during the pastor&#8217;s illness: GOD IS GOOD. Pastor Hargreaves is better.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t miss this Saturday&#8217;s exhibit by Christian Martian Arts&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.<\/li>\n<li>Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.<\/li>\n<li>This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.<\/li>\n<li>We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning duringthe worship service. Now let&#8217;s sing &#8220;Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The agenda was adopted&#8230;the minutes were approved&#8230; the final secretary gave a grief report.<\/li>\n<li>Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER &#038; FASTING Conference: &#8220;The [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55,69],"tags":[289],"class_list":["post-4019","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","category-word-play","tag-bulletin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4019","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4019"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4019\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}