{"id":3975,"date":"2015-02-22T15:26:05","date_gmt":"2015-02-22T13:26:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3975"},"modified":"2015-02-22T15:26:05","modified_gmt":"2015-02-22T13:26:05","slug":"football-christianity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3975","title":{"rendered":"Football Christianity"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Does your church practice &#8220;Football Christianity&#8221;?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<p><li>Backfield in Motion: Making two or three trips outside the Church during Mass.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bench warmer: An inactive church member.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; Those whose only participation is their attendance at Sunday Mass.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>The Blitz: The mad stampede for the doors as the Iconastasis doors are closed.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Blocking: Standing inside the church door complaining to the pastor about the sermon.<\/li>\n<li>Extra point: What you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.<\/li>\n<li>Draft choice: Choose a seat near the back door.<\/li>\n<li>Draw Play: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during Mass.<\/li>\n<li>End Run: Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.<\/li>\n<li>Flex Defense: The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.<\/li>\n<li>Fumble: A lousy sermon.<\/li>\n<li>Halfback Option: The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.<\/li>\n<p><li>Halftime:  The Choir Anthem\/Offertory<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Illegal motion: Leaving before the benediction.<\/li>\n<li>Instant Replay: The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week&#8217;s illustrations.<\/li>\n<p><li>Quarterback sneak: Sunday school teachers entering the church building five minutes after Sunday school begins.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; People who leave Mass before it&#8217;s over without grave reason.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Stay in the Pocket: What happens to a lot of money that ought to go to the Church.<\/li>\n<li>Sudden Death: The penalty to the priest who preaches more than twenty minutes.<\/li>\n<li>Trap: You&#8217;re called on to pray and are asleep.<\/li>\n<p><li>Two-minute warning: The chairman of the board sitting in a front-row pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.<br \/>\n &#8211; OR &#8211; The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does your church practice &#8220;Football Christianity&#8221;? Backfield in Motion: Making two or three trips outside the Church during Mass. &#8211; OR &#8211; Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service. Bench warmer: An inactive church member. &#8211; OR &#8211; Those whose only participation is their attendance at Sunday Mass. &#8211; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[374],"class_list":["post-3975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-church"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3975","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3975"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3975\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3975"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3975"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3975"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}