(disembodied voice from a speaker in the middle of a huge plastic Jesus):<\/p>\n
“Thank you for choosing the McChurch of Perpetual Laziness, may I take your order?”<\/p>\n
“Uhhh, yeah, I’d like two Big MacFessions, one Get Out Of Hell Scratch Off Card, ummm, a small order of Holy Water, and, ummm, we were gonna get a hotel room later, so I better get one of those McQuickie Weddings.”<\/p>\n
“Ok, my son, that’s two Big MacFessions, a Get Out Of Hell Scratch Off Card, a small Holy Water, and a McQuickie Wedding — did you want to SuperSize that? You get an additional scratch off card and a large Holy Water along with your choice of either a free baptism or mirror air freshener in the image of the Baby Jesus Under Our Golden Arches.”<\/p>\n
“Cool, yeah, ok, super size it and give me the air freshener thing. Do I get absolution with that or do I still have to do the rosary stuff?”<\/p>\n
“Absolution isn’t guaranteed unless you prepay. The rosary stuff is between you and the cashier. Your total is $19.95, my son, please pull to the first window.”<\/p>\n
(The car pulls forward. A wooden panel in the wall opens.)<\/p>\n
“Yes, my son?”<\/p>\n
“Ummm, yes, bless me, McFather, it has been about 45 minutes since my last confession, umm, hey, can I get fries with this?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(disembodied voice from a speaker in the middle of a huge plastic Jesus): “Thank you for choosing the McChurch of Perpetual Laziness, may I take your order?” “Uhhh, yeah, I’d like two Big MacFessions, one Get Out Of Hell Scratch Off Card, ummm, a small order of Holy Water, and, ummm, we were gonna get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[546],"class_list":["post-3961","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-drive-thru"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3961","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3961"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3961\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3961"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3961"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3961"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}