{"id":3945,"date":"2015-02-22T14:59:58","date_gmt":"2015-02-22T12:59:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3945"},"modified":"2015-02-22T14:59:58","modified_gmt":"2015-02-22T12:59:58","slug":"signs-on-church-property","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3945","title":{"rendered":"Signs on Church Property"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;No God &#8212; No Peace.     Know God &#8212; Know Peace.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons &#8212; come hear one!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;People are like tea bags &#8212; you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Fight truth decay &#8212; study the Bible daily.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;How will you spend eternity &#8212; Smoking or Non-smoking?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;It is unlikely there&#8217;ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;If you&#8217;re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;If you don&#8217;t like the way you were born, try being born again.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?&#8221;   &#8212;&#8212;&#8212;> (U R)<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Forbidden fruit creates many jams.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;In the dark? Follow the Son.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;If you can&#8217;t sleep, don&#8217;t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;God does not believe in atheists, therefore atheists do not exist&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Don&#8217;t make me come down there &#8211; God&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Keep using my name in vain. I&#8217;ll make rush hour longer &#8211; God&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;God wants spiritual fruits not religious nuts.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;No God &#8212; No Peace. Know God &#8212; Know Peace.&#8221; &#8220;Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!&#8221; &#8220;Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.&#8221; &#8220;Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!&#8221; &#8220;Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons &#8212; come hear one!&#8221; &#8220;People are like tea bags &#8212; you have to put them [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,55],"tags":[375],"class_list":["post-3945","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-signs","category-spirit","tag-church-signs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3945","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3945"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3945\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3945"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3945"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3945"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}