{"id":3926,"date":"2015-02-18T15:36:56","date_gmt":"2015-02-18T13:36:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3926"},"modified":"2015-02-18T15:36:56","modified_gmt":"2015-02-18T13:36:56","slug":"a-catholic-dictionary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3926","title":{"rendered":"A Catholic Dictionary"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Amen<br \/>\nThe only part of a prayer that everyone knows.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Bulletin\n<ol>\n<li>Parish information, read only during the homily.<\/li>\n<li>Catholic air conditioning.<\/li>\n<li>Your receipt for attending Mass.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<p><li>Choir<br \/>\nA group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Holy Water<br \/>\nA liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Hymn<br \/>\nA song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation&#8217;s range.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Incense<br \/>\nHoly Smoke!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Jesuits<br \/>\nAn order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Jonah<br \/>\nThe original &#8220;Jaws&#8221; story.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Justice<br \/>\nWhen kids have kids of their own.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Kyrie Eleison<br \/>\nThe only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Magi<br \/>\nThe most famous trio to attend a baby shower.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Manger\n<ol>\n<li>Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn&#8217;t covered by an HMO.<\/li>\n<li>The Bible&#8217;s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<p><li>Pew<br \/>\nA medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Procession<br \/>\nThe ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Recessional<br \/>\nThe ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass &#8211; led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Recessional Hymn<br \/>\nThe last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Relics<br \/>\nPeople who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Ten Commandments<br \/>\nThe most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Ushers<br \/>\nThe only people in the parish who don&#8217;t know the seating capacity of a pew.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amen The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. Bulletin Parish information, read only during the homily. Catholic air conditioning. Your receipt for attending Mass. Choir A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. Holy Water A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. Hymn A song of praise, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[332],"class_list":["post-3926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-catholic"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3926"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3926\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}