{"id":3924,"date":"2015-02-18T15:36:16","date_gmt":"2015-02-18T13:36:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3924"},"modified":"2015-02-18T15:36:16","modified_gmt":"2015-02-18T13:36:16","slug":"actual-announcements-taken-from-church-bulletins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3924","title":{"rendered":"Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Don&#8217;t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.<\/li>\n<li>Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.<\/li>\n<li>Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.<\/li>\n<li>For those of you who have children and don&#8217;t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.<\/li>\n<li>The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.<\/li>\n<li>This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.<\/li>\n<li>Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.<\/li>\n<li>Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing &#8220;Put Me In My Little Bed&#8221; accompanied by the pastor.<\/li>\n<li>Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.<\/li>\n<li>This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.<\/li>\n<li>The service will close with &#8220;Little Drops Of Water&#8221;. One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.<\/li>\n<li>Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.<\/li>\n<li>The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.<\/li>\n<li>A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.<\/li>\n<li>At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be &#8220;What is Hell?&#8221;. Come early and listen to our choir practice.<\/li>\n<li>Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.<\/li>\n<li>The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.<\/li>\n<li>Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.<\/li>\n<li>8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.<\/li>\n<li>Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.<\/li>\n<li>The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.<\/li>\n<li>Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.<\/li>\n<li>Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.<\/li>\n<li>The Lutheran Men&#8217;s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.<\/li>\n<li>The Associate Minister unveiled the church&#8217;s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: &#8220;I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>This evening at 7:00 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to SIN.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Don&#8217;t let worry kill you. Let the Church help. Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don&#8217;t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[289],"class_list":["post-3924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-bulletin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3924"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}