{"id":391,"date":"2014-12-22T00:40:42","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T22:40:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=391"},"modified":"2014-12-22T00:40:42","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T22:40:42","slug":"fun-things-to-do-when-driving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=391","title":{"rendered":"Fun Things to do When Driving"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Vary your vehicle&#8217;s speed inversely with the speed limit.<\/li>\n<li>Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.<\/li>\n<li>At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.<\/li>\n<li>Two words: Chicken suit.<\/li>\n<li>Write the words &#8220;Help me&#8221; on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.<\/li>\n<li>Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.<\/li>\n<li>Laugh a lot. A whole lot.<\/li>\n<li>Stop at the green lights.<\/li>\n<li>Go at the red ones.<\/li>\n<li>Occasionally wave a stuffed animal\/troll doll\/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.<\/li>\n<li>Eat food that requires silverware.<\/li>\n<li>Pass cars, then drive very slowly.<\/li>\n<li>Sing without having the radio on.<\/li>\n<li>Honk frequently without motivation.<\/li>\n<li>Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.<\/li>\n<li>Ask people for Grey Poupon.<\/li>\n<li>Let pedestrians know who&#8217;s boss.<\/li>\n<li>Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.<\/li>\n<li>Restart your car at every stop light.<\/li>\n<li>Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.<\/li>\n<li>Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.<\/li>\n<li>While stopped at a light, piss out the window\/sunroof onto other cars.<\/li>\n<li>Paint your car with occult symbols.<\/li>\n<li>Keep at least five cats in the car.<\/li>\n<li>Have some passengers in the back who are having wild, noisy sex.<\/li>\n<li>Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for fire trucks.<\/li>\n<li>Stop and collect road kill.<\/li>\n<li>Stop and pray to road kill.<\/li>\n<li>Throw Spam.<\/li>\n<li>Get in the fast lane and gradually &#8230; slow &#8230; down &#8230; to a stop. Then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vary your vehicle&#8217;s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors. Two words: Chicken suit. Write the words &#8220;Help me&#8221; on your back window in red paint. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[548,924],"class_list":["post-391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-car","tag-driving","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/391","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=391"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/391\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}