{"id":3902,"date":"2015-02-14T14:32:43","date_gmt":"2015-02-14T12:32:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3902"},"modified":"2015-02-14T14:32:43","modified_gmt":"2015-02-14T12:32:43","slug":"ways-to-make-your-neighbor-move","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3902","title":{"rendered":"Ways to Make Your Neighbor Move"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don&#8217;t have a phone.<\/li>\n<li>Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and scream, &#8220;I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!&#8221;. Then point at each one and declare them good or bad plants, while watering the bad ones.<\/li>\n<li>Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house.  (i.e., chairs, books, lamps, etc.)<\/li>\n<li>Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, &#8220;Mine are full of bodies,&#8221; then stutter and say, &#8220;I uh mean other garbage,&#8221; walk away laughing hysterically.<\/li>\n<li>Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that there is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards.<\/li>\n<li>At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, &#8220;looks like they&#8217;re on the move again.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When they&#8217;re watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn and a drink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.<\/li>\n<li>Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbors each day hack off a different part of their body.<\/li>\n<li>Use your TV remote to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why, say you protest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)<\/li>\n<li>Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household appliances.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that you don&#8217;t have a phone. Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and scream, &#8220;I have your life in my hands, bow down to me!&#8221;. Then point at each one and declare them good or [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[1058],"class_list":["post-3902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-neighbors"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3902","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3902"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3902\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}