{"id":3892,"date":"2015-02-14T14:07:38","date_gmt":"2015-02-14T12:07:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3892"},"modified":"2015-02-14T14:07:38","modified_gmt":"2015-02-14T12:07:38","slug":"how-to-keep-a-healthy-level-of-insanity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3892","title":{"rendered":"How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.<\/li>\n<li>Page yourself over the intercom. Don&#8217;t disguise your voice.<\/li>\n<li>Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.<\/li>\n<li>Put your garbage can on your desk and label it &#8220;in&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to\n<p>espresso.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>In the memo field of all your checks, write &#8220;for sexual favors&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Finish all your sentences with &#8220;in accordance with the prophecy.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Dont use any punctuation marks<\/li>\n<li>As often as possible, skip rather than walk.<\/li>\n<li>Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.<\/li>\n<li>Specify that your drive-through order is &#8220;to go&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Sing along at the opera.<\/li>\n<li>Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don&#8217;t rhyme.<\/li>\n<li>Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.<\/li>\n<li>Five days in advance, tell your friends you can&#8217;t attend their party because you&#8217;re not in the mood.<\/li>\n<li>Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Rock.<\/li>\n<li>When the money comes out the ATM, scream &#8220;I won!&#8221;, &#8220;I won!&#8221; &#8220;3rd time this week!!!!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling &#8220;run for your lives, they&#8217;re loose!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Tell your children over dinner, &#8220;Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like\n<p>this.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don&#8217;t disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[1186],"class_list":["post-3892","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-prank"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3892","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3892"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3892\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}