{"id":3882,"date":"2015-02-14T13:48:20","date_gmt":"2015-02-14T11:48:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3882"},"modified":"2015-02-14T13:48:20","modified_gmt":"2015-02-14T11:48:20","slug":"how-to-handle-stress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3882","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Stress"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Jam 39 miniature marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.<\/li>\n<li>Find out what a frog in the blender really looks like.<\/li>\n<li>Forget the diet center and send yourself a candy gram.<\/li>\n<li>Dance naked in front of your pets.<\/li>\n<li>Tattoo &#8220;OUT TO LUNCH&#8221; on your forehead.<\/li>\n<li>Buy a subscription to Sleazoid Weekly and send it to your bosses wife.<\/li>\n<li>Relaxing by mentally reflecting on your favorite episode of the &#8220;Flintstones&#8221; during an important finance meeting.<\/li>\n<li>Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.<\/li>\n<li>Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail.<\/li>\n<li>Tell your boss to blow it out his mule, and let him figure it out.<\/li>\n<li>Polish your car with earwax.<\/li>\n<li>Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.<\/li>\n<li>Lie on your back; eat celery, using your navel as a salt dipper.<\/li>\n<li>Make a tape recording of a lion roaring and play it while frolicking with your kitten in front of the neighbors.<\/li>\n<li>Ask your neighbor if anything got broken in last night&#8217;s earth quake.<\/li>\n<li>Ride up the escalator facing backwards.<\/li>\n<li>Write a letter to the editor condemning scientists for trying to wipe out whole species like the AIDs virus.<\/li>\n<li>Phone the minister of finance and demand a tax increase.<\/li>\n<li>Send a letter of resignation from your boss to your boss&#8217; boss.<\/li>\n<li>Write your boss&#8217; resume and submit it to various headhunters.<\/li>\n<li>Phone your dentist and tell him you&#8217;ve changed your mind, you want that wisdom tooth back.<\/li>\n<li>Tell your husband\/wife he\/she was adopted. &lt;duh, huh?&gt;<\/li>\n<li>Phone the university and report that you are an extraterrestrial and would they volunteer to return to your home planet.<\/li>\n<li>Phone any government agency and ask them &#8220;So just what is it you people do all day anyway?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jam 39 miniature marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. Find out what a frog in the blender really looks like. Forget the diet center and send yourself a candy gram. Dance naked in front of your pets. Tattoo &#8220;OUT TO LUNCH&#8221; on your forehead. Buy a subscription to Sleazoid Weekly and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[1373],"class_list":["post-3882","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-stress"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3882","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3882"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3882\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3882"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3882"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3882"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}