{"id":3878,"date":"2015-02-14T13:46:50","date_gmt":"2015-02-14T11:46:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3878"},"modified":"2015-02-14T13:46:50","modified_gmt":"2015-02-14T11:46:50","slug":"how-to-annoy-someone-in-the-bathroom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3878","title":{"rendered":"How to Annoy Someone in the Bathroom"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, &#8220;May I borrow a highlighter?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Uh oh, I knew I shouldn&#8217;t have put my lips on that.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Damn, this water&#8217;s cold.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Drop a marble and say, &#8220;Oh shit!  My glass eye!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Hmmm, I&#8217;ve never seen that color before.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet.  Sigh relaxingly.<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Now how did that get there?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Humus.  Reminds me of humus.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew.  Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, &#8220;Whoa!  Easy boy!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Interesting&#8230; more floaters than sinkers.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, &#8220;Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;C&#8217;mon Mr. Happy!  Don&#8217;t fall asleep on me.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Fill a balloon with creamed corn.  Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about.  Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Boy, that sure looks like a maggot.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Say, &#8220;Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.<\/li>\n<li>Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your &#8220;Cross-Dressers Anonymous&#8221; newsletter on the floor  visible to the adjacent stall.<\/li>\n<li>Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, &#8220;Peek-a-boo!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing &#8220;Born Free&#8221;.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, &#8220;May I borrow a highlighter?&#8221; Say, &#8220;Uh oh, I knew I shouldn&#8217;t have put my lips on that.&#8221; Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. Say, &#8220;Damn, this water&#8217;s cold.&#8221; Drop a marble and say, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57],"tags":[206,1186],"class_list":["post-3878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-bathroom","tag-prank"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3878","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3878\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}