{"id":3808,"date":"2015-02-08T21:44:06","date_gmt":"2015-02-08T19:44:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3808"},"modified":"2015-02-08T21:44:06","modified_gmt":"2015-02-08T19:44:06","slug":"astrological-prayers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3808","title":{"rendered":"Astrological Prayers"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Aries<br \/>\nDear God, please give me patience&#8230; and could you do it right now?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Taurus<br \/>\nDear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Gemini<br \/>\nDear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Cancer<br \/>\nDear God!!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Leo<br \/>\nYes?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Virgo<br \/>\nDear God, please make us perfect and don&#8217;t mess it up like You did the last time.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Libra<br \/>\nDear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Scorpio<br \/>\nOur Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don&#8217;t deserve it!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Sagittarius<br \/>\nDear Lord, if I&#8217;ve told you once, I&#8217;ve told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Capricorn<br \/>\nDear God! I&#8217;d like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Aquarius<br \/>\nDear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Pisces<br \/>\nDear Lord, as long as I&#8217;m going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Aries Dear God, please give me patience&#8230; and could you do it right now? Taurus Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick. Gemini Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God? Cancer Dear God!!! Leo Yes? Virgo Dear God, please make us perfect and don&#8217;t mess it up like [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[160,1187],"class_list":["post-3808","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-astrology","tag-prayer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3808"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3808\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3808"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3808"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3808"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}