{"id":3800,"date":"2015-02-08T21:40:23","date_gmt":"2015-02-08T19:40:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3800"},"modified":"2015-02-08T21:40:23","modified_gmt":"2015-02-08T19:40:23","slug":"biblical-bloopers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3800","title":{"rendered":"Biblical Bloopers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\"><b>FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT<\/b><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.<\/li>\n<li>Adam &#038; Eve were created from an apple tree.<\/li>\n<li>Noah&#8217;s wife was called Joan of Ark.<\/li>\n<li>Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.<\/li>\n<li>Lot&#8217;s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.<\/li>\n<li>The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.<\/li>\n<li>Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.<\/li>\n<li>Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.<\/li>\n<li>Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.<\/li>\n<li>Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.<\/li>\n<li>The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.<\/li>\n<li>The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.<\/li>\n<li>The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.<\/li>\n<li>Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.<\/li>\n<li>The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.<\/li>\n<li>David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.<\/li>\n<li>Solomon, one of David&#8217;s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.<\/li>\n<hr width=\"50%\">\n<div align=\"center\"><b>FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT<\/b><\/div>\n<li>When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.<\/li>\n<li>St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.<\/li>\n<li>Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before &#8211; they do one to you. He also explained, &#8220;Man doth not live by sweat alone.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.<\/li>\n<li>The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.<\/li>\n<li>A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.<\/li>\n<li>The epistles were the wives of the apostles.<\/li>\n<li>One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.<\/li>\n<li>When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.<\/li>\n<li>St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students: FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam &#038; Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah&#8217;s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built the ark and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[1380],"class_list":["post-3800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirit","tag-sunday-school"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3800"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3800\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}