{"id":3767,"date":"2015-02-07T12:00:28","date_gmt":"2015-02-07T10:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3767"},"modified":"2015-02-07T12:00:28","modified_gmt":"2015-02-07T10:00:28","slug":"earthquake-safety-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3767","title":{"rendered":"Earthquake Safety Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Never let it be said that I am solely interested in entertaining you. Sometimes I come across an article of such helpful significance I feel compelled to share it with you. The following is such an article:<\/p>\n<p>Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, &#8220;I told you so.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.<\/li>\n<li>Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive.  During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.<\/li>\n<li>Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.<\/li>\n<li>Look out your window often.  If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.<\/li>\n<li>Do you have a treasured childhood toy?  Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear?  Well, let&#8217;s see Mr. Bear help you now.<\/li>\n<li>For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves.  Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.<\/li>\n<li>A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.<\/li>\n<li>Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.<\/li>\n<li>In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.<\/li>\n<li>If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you&#8217;ve wasted your life.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Never let it be said that I am solely interested in entertaining you. Sometimes I come across an article of such helpful significance I feel compelled to share it with you. The following is such an article: Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[68],"tags":[562],"class_list":["post-3767","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weathers","tag-earthquake-safety"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3767","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3767"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3767\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3767"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3767"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3767"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}