{"id":3623,"date":"2015-01-25T20:18:59","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3623"},"modified":"2015-01-25T20:18:59","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:18:59","slug":"measuring-the-cold","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3623","title":{"rendered":"Measuring the Cold"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>+60\/+15 C<br \/>\nCalifornians put on sweaters.<br \/>\nColoradans put on shorts.<br \/>\nPeople in Span wear winter coats and gloves.<br \/>\nFinns are out in the sun, getting a tan.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+50\/+10 C<br \/>\nMiami residents turn on the heat.<br \/>\nCalifornians break out the heavy winter coats, hats, and gloves.<br \/>\nThe French are trying in vain to start their central heating.<br \/>\nThe Finns plant flowers in their gardens.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+45\/+7 C<br \/>\nVermont residents go to outdoor concert.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+40\/+5 C<br \/>\nYou can see your breath.<br \/>\nCalifornians shiver uncontrollably.<br \/>\nMinnesoootans go swimming.<br \/>\nColoradans might break out a light jacket.<br \/>\nFinns are out cruising in cabriolets<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+35<br \/>\nItalian cars don&#8217;t start.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+32\/+0 C<br \/>\nWater freezes.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+30<br \/>\nYou plan your vacation in Australia.<br \/>\nCalifornians weep pitiably.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+25\/-5 C<br \/>\nOhio water freezes.<br \/>\nPeople in California almost freeze to death.<br \/>\nMinnesoootans eat ice cream.<br \/>\nCanadians go swimming.<br \/>\nColoradans will wear that jacket, and maybe gloves.<br \/>\nThe Finns have their final barbeque before winter.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+20<br \/>\nPoliticians begin to talk about the homeless.<br \/>\nNew York City water freezes.<br \/>\nMiami residents plan vacation further south.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+15\/-10 C<br \/>\nFrench cars don&#8217;t start.<br \/>\nCat insists on sleeping with you.<br \/>\nThe British start the heat in their houses.<br \/>\nThe Finns start using long sleeves.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+10<br \/>\nYou need jumper cables to get the car going.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>+5\/-15 C<br \/>\nAmerican cars don&#8217;t start.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>0\/-18 C<br \/>\nAlaskans put on T-shirts.<br \/>\nColoradans admit it is cold.<br \/>\nThe Aussies flee from Mallorca.<br \/>\nThe Finns end their Midsummer celebrations.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-10\/-23 C<br \/>\nGerman cars don&#8217;t start.<br \/>\nEyes freeze shut when you blink.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-15\/-26 C<br \/>\nYou can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.<br \/>\nArkansans stick tongues on metal objects.<br \/>\nMiami residents cease to exist.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-20\/-29 C<br \/>\nCat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you.<br \/>\nPoliticians actually do something about the homeless.<br \/>\nMinnesoootans shovel snow off roof.<br \/>\nJapanese cars don&#8217;t start.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-25\/-32 C<br \/>\nToo cold to think.<br \/>\nYou need jumper cables to get the driver going.<br \/>\nPeople in Greece die from the cold.<br \/>\nThe Finns start drying their laundry indoors.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-30\/-34 C<br \/>\nYou plan a two week hot bath.<br \/>\nSwedish cars don&#8217;t start.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-40\/-40 C<br \/>\nCalifornians disappear.<br \/>\nMinnesoootans button top button.<br \/>\nCanadians put on sweater.<br \/>\nYour car helps you plan your trip south.<br \/>\nParis starts cracking in the cold.<br \/>\nThe Finns stand in line at the hotdog stands.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-50\/-45 C<br \/>\nCongressional hot air freezes.<br \/>\nAlaskans close the bathroom window.<br \/>\nPolar Bears start evacuating the North Pole.<br \/>\nThe Finnish army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-80\/-62 C<br \/>\nHell freezes over.<br \/>\nPolar bears move south.<br \/>\nGreen Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.<br \/>\nSanta&#8217;s home freezes.<br \/>\nThe Finns rent a movie and stay indoors.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-90\/-68 C<br \/>\nLawyers put their hands in their own pockets.<br \/>\nThe false Santa moves south.<br \/>\nFinns can&#8217;t store their Kossu outdoors any longer.<br \/>\nThe Finnish army goes out on winter survival training.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>-100\/-73 C<br \/>\nCanadian buildings turn off air conditioning.<br \/>\nThe Finns start saying, &#8220;Perkele, it&#8217;s cold outside today.&#8221;.<\/li><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>+60\/+15 C Californians put on sweaters. Coloradans put on shorts. People in Span wear winter coats and gloves. Finns are out in the sun, getting a tan. +50\/+10 C Miami residents turn on the heat. Californians break out the heavy winter coats, hats, and gloves. The French are trying in vain to start their central [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[68],"tags":[1529],"class_list":["post-3623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weathers","tag-winter"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3623","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3623"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3623\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3623"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3623"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3623"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}