{"id":3615,"date":"2015-01-25T20:14:58","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:14:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3615"},"modified":"2015-01-25T20:14:58","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:14:58","slug":"visitors-guide-to-dallas-texas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3615","title":{"rendered":"Visitor&#8217;s Guide to Dallas, Texas"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It&#8217;s DAL-LUS.<\/li>\n<li>Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.  Dallas has its own version of traffic rules&#8230; Hold on and pray.<\/li>\n<li>All directions start with, &#8220;Go down to Beltline&#8221;&#8230;which has no beginning and no end.<\/li>\n<li>The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a &#8220;scenic drive&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday&#8217;s rush hour starts Thursday morning.<\/li>\n<li>If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear ended.<\/li>\n<li>Major roads mysteriously change names and direction at intersections.<\/li>\n<li>Intense construction on the highway system is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.<\/li>\n<li>All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, &#8220;Oh, we were in Fort Worth!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.<\/li>\n<li>All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs have the right of way, especially in the vicinity of Neiman Marcus.<\/li>\n<li>If asking directions east of downtown, you must have a working knowledge of Spanish.<\/li>\n<li>Dallas\/Fort Worth International Airport has four terminal buildings connected by one tram that never works.<\/li>\n<li>A trip across town will take a minimum of four hours. Pack a lunch. <\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t carry money, jewelry, family, etc., on Martin Luther King Freeway.  And keep all doors locked at all times.<\/li>\n<li>The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff is not ornamental.<\/li>\n<li>Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, &#8220;Keep honking. I&#8217;m reloading.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>If you are in the left lane, and only going 70&#8230; people are not waving when they go by.<\/li>\n<li>The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of the NASCAR circuit.<\/li>\n<li>Any section of Dallas above IH-635 is considered too far and too close to Oklahoma to be driving.<\/li>\n<li>Plano and Flower Mound are not real cities, they were produced and brought to you by the nice people at Disney for the pure entertainment of housewives.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It&#8217;s DAL-LUS. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules&#8230; Hold on and pray. All directions start with, &#8220;Go down to Beltline&#8221;&#8230;which has no beginning and no end. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a &#8220;scenic drive&#8221;. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,60],"tags":[473,1425],"class_list":["post-3615","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-regional","category-texas","tag-dallas","tag-texas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3615","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3615"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3615\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3615"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3615"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3615"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}