{"id":3613,"date":"2015-01-25T20:13:12","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:13:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3613"},"modified":"2015-01-25T20:13:12","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T18:13:12","slug":"you-might-be-from-denver-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3613","title":{"rendered":"You Might Be From Denver If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You hear the number &#8220;82&#8221; and grab a shovel. (As in Blizzard of &#8217;82)<\/li>\n<li>You merge onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.<\/li>\n<li>You have absolutely no recognizable accent.<\/li>\n<li>If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it &#8220;Muggy&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town.<\/li>\n<li>You have been skiing less than 3 times in your life.<\/li>\n<li>You actually think 5-Points is a ghetto.<\/li>\n<li>You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.<\/li>\n<li>You say things like &#8220;I don&#8217;t care how big Parker is, it&#8217;s still a one-horse town&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You think only stupid people get lost in this town.<\/li>\n<li>When giving directions, you never say &#8220;Turn left, turn right&#8221;, it&#8217;s always go West, then South.<\/li>\n<li>You know where the city ended when you were a kid, and would never move further out than that boundary.<\/li>\n<li>You hear &#8220;Governor Owens&#8221; and you still think they&#8217;re talking about some other state&#8217;s governor.<\/li>\n<li>There is not enough money in the world to get you to move to the Springs.<\/li>\n<li>During a thunderstorm you wonder &#8220;Which I-25 underpass is flooding&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.<\/li>\n<li>If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.<\/li>\n<li>Thornton, Northglenn and Westminster are &#8220;Another State&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.<\/li>\n<li>You have a broken windshield.<\/li>\n<li>You see no reason to travel to Aurora.<\/li>\n<li>The only RTD bus you&#8217;ve been on is the 16th Street shuttle.<\/li>\n<li>Bear chases are televised for hours.<\/li>\n<li>The two major newspapers have the same owner, yet one insists on making its on rules regarding what to call the new stadium.<\/li>\n<li>The biggest event of the year is the Western Stock Show.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Terms:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Big Mac =  A sports venue, not a hamburger. (Now extinct)<\/li>\n<li>LoDo =  A tourist trap with expensive condos, not an extinct bird.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Little California&#8221; = Highlands Ranch<\/li>\n<li>The Springs = Colorado Springs, where the religious freaks live.<\/li>\n<li>Independent Republic of Boulder =  Where the rest of the freaks live.<\/li>\n<li>The Donkeys = The Broncos when they are losing.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Californicators&#8221; = Californians<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ass-Holes&#8221; = Texans<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;The Narrows&#8221; = I-25 between University and Broadway<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Jolly Green Giant&#8217;s Golf Balls&#8221;  =  Buckley A.N.G.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;tourists&#8221; = people driving on the 16th Street Mall.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Damn Rockies&#8221; = What one says looking for a parking spot Downtown.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You hear the number &#8220;82&#8221; and grab a shovel. (As in Blizzard of &#8217;82) You merge onto the highway at 15 miles an hour. You have absolutely no recognizable accent. If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it &#8220;Muggy&#8221;. You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town. You have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[394,498],"class_list":["post-3613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-regional","tag-colorado","tag-denver"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3613"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3613\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}