{"id":3585,"date":"2015-01-25T19:28:50","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:28:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3585"},"modified":"2015-01-25T19:28:50","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:28:50","slug":"you-might-be-a-ho-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3585","title":{"rendered":"You Might Be a Ho When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You&#8217;ve slept with Geraldo Rivera.<\/li>\n<li>Arsenio touches your knee.<\/li>\n<li>Even Richard Dawson won&#8217;t kiss you.<\/li>\n<li>Sheik offers you free shares in the company.<\/li>\n<li>You become a vaseline spokesperson.<\/li>\n<li>Having two tampons in at the same time doesn&#8217;t bother you.<\/li>\n<li>The EPA comes looking for you.<\/li>\n<li>You go through a Sealy &#8482; a week.<\/li>\n<li>Frederik actaully comes to your door himself&#8230;just to see where 1\/2 of his orders go.<\/li>\n<li>When people say &#8220;Ho, Ho, Ho&#8221; and it&#8217;s July.<\/li>\n<li>When you don&#8217;t know &#8220;What&#8217;s his name?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.<\/li>\n<li>You are the headquarters for the CDC.<\/li>\n<li>Your baby looks familiar, but&#8230;&#8230;like who?<\/li>\n<li>When they change your # to 976.<\/li>\n<li>Tetracycline is your best friend.<\/li>\n<li>McDonald&#8217;s calls you &#8220;The Happy Meal&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.<\/li>\n<li>Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.<\/li>\n<li>When you&#8217;ve got a &#8220;Take a NUmber&#8221; machine at your door.<\/li>\n<li>When they call you &#8220;Shazam&#8221; and they don&#8217;t mean the money machine!<\/li>\n<li>When you get hemorrhoids on you shoulders.<\/li>\n<li>When getting dresses is not part of your day.<\/li>\n<li>Your day starts and ends by rolling over.<\/li>\n<li>When the sperm bank calls for remnants.<\/li>\n<li>When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.<\/li>\n<li>When you&#8217;re wearing more latex than spandex.<\/li>\n<li>When your motto is &#8220;2 Days, 2 Pounds&#8230;$2.90.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When your ceiling mirrors fog.<\/li>\n<li>When they install a revolving door at your apartment.<\/li>\n<li>On the golf course, your afraid to yell &#8220;Fore (four).&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When the word Slalom gets you excited.<\/li>\n<li>When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.<\/li>\n<li>When you have a neon sign saying &#8220;open all night&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You want to have your name changed to Misty.<\/li>\n<li>Madonna comes to you for pointers.<\/li>\n<li>You start to think of youself as Smurfette.<\/li>\n<li>You haven&#8217;t seen your floor in a week.<\/li>\n<li>When sunlight scares you.<\/li>\n<li>When your favorite quote is &#8220;next please&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You know all the people in &#8220;America&#8217;s Most Wanted&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>When Susan Sarandon envies you.<\/li>\n<li>When Guiness Book starts calling.<\/li>\n<li>When every song reminds you of someone&#8230;but who?<\/li>\n<li>When everyone is refers to you as &#8220;dear&#8221; and &#8220;honey&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>When he doesn&#8217;t even have to buy you a drink.<\/li>\n<li>When you have a room key to every hotel in town.<\/li>\n<li>When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.<\/li>\n<li>Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.<\/li>\n<li>The only place you haven&#8217;t had sex is on the moon.<\/li>\n<li>When a men&#8217;s prison becomes a vacation &#8220;hot spot&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The Big Dipper looks inviting.<\/li>\n<li>When soft foods have become distasteful.<\/li>\n<li>White sauce is a staple in your diet.<\/li>\n<li>When the Red Cross turns their head at you.<\/li>\n<li>When it only taked 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.<\/li>\n<li>When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.<\/li>\n<li>When other women begin to call you &#8220;Man&#8217;s Best Friend&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You and Prince have already made 3 records.<\/li>\n<li>When the neighbors want you to install a drive up window.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You&#8217;ve slept with Geraldo Rivera. Arsenio touches your knee. Even Richard Dawson won&#8217;t kiss you. Sheik offers you free shares in the company. You become a vaseline spokesperson. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn&#8217;t bother you. The EPA comes looking for you. You go through a Sealy &#8482; a week. Frederik actaully [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[1475],"class_list":["post-3585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-unattached"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3585"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3585\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}