{"id":3573,"date":"2015-01-25T19:23:00","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3573"},"modified":"2015-01-25T19:23:00","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:23:00","slug":"kansas-tourism-council-bulletin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3573","title":{"rendered":"Kansas Tourism Council Bulletin"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This list will be handed to each person as they enter the state.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you&#8217;ll do all week at the gym.  How&#8217;d you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s called a &#8216;gravel road.&#8217; No matter how slow you drive, you&#8217;re going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.<\/li>\n<li>We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.<\/li>\n<li>Any references to &#8220;corn fed&#8221; when talking about our women will get your butt kicked&#8230;by our women.<\/li>\n<li>Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.  Don&#8217;t cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.  We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for&#8230;bait.<\/li>\n<li>Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.<\/li>\n<li>If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don&#8217;t have it up to your ear at the time.<\/li>\n<li>That&#8217;s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.<\/li>\n<li>The Jayhawks and the Wildcats are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks&#8230;and a dang sight more fun to watch.<\/li>\n<li>No, there&#8217;s no &#8220;Vegetarian Special&#8221; on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef&#8217;s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.<\/li>\n<li>You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.<\/li>\n<li>So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We&#8217;re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.<\/li>\n<li>Let&#8217;s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it&#8217;s red. We may even stop when it&#8217;s yellow.<\/li>\n<li>Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you&#8217;re a feminist. Isn&#8217;t that cute.<\/li>\n<li>Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It&#8217;s available at the bait shop.<\/li>\n<li>They are pigs. That&#8217;s what they smell like. Get over it. Don&#8217;t like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.<\/li>\n<p><li>The &#8220;Opener&#8221; refers to the first day of pheasant season. It&#8217;s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.<br \/>\nYou can get breakfast at the church.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>So every person in every pickup waves. It&#8217;s called being friendly. Understand the concept?<\/li>\n<li>Yeah, we have golf courses. Don&#8217;t hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.<\/li>\n<li>No, we can&#8217;t shoot the meadowlarks. They&#8217;re song birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This list will be handed to each person as they enter the state. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you&#8217;ll do all week at the gym. How&#8217;d you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls? It&#8217;s called a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,63],"tags":[880],"class_list":["post-3573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-regional","category-travel","tag-kansas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3573","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3573"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3573\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}