{"id":3549,"date":"2015-01-25T19:04:47","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:04:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3549"},"modified":"2015-01-25T19:04:47","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:04:47","slug":"you-might-be-a-yankee-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3549","title":{"rendered":"You Might Be a Yankee if&#8230;."},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You think barbecue is a verb meaning &#8220;to cook outside.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have any problems pronouncing &#8220;Worcestershire sauce&#8221; correctly.<\/li>\n<li>For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t know what a moon pie is.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve never had grain alcohol.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve never, ever, eaten Okra.<\/li>\n<li>You eat fried chicken with knife and fork.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you&#8217;ve seen are on road trips.<\/li>\n<li>You have no idea what a polecat is.<\/li>\n<li>When ever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have bangs.<\/li>\n<li>You would rather vacation at Martha&#8217;s Vineyard than Six Flags.<\/li>\n<li>More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same pre-school.<\/li>\n<li>You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of referring to two or more people as &#8220;y&#8217;all,&#8221; you call them &#8220;you guys,&#8221; even if both of them are women.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t think Howard Stern has an accent.<\/li>\n<li>You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.<\/li>\n<li>You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.<\/li>\n<li>The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.<\/li>\n<li>You call binoculars opera glasses.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.<\/li>\n<li>You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t know what applique is.<\/li>\n<li>Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a football game.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t know anyone with two first names (i.e. Jim Bob, Billy Bob, Bob Bob).<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have any doilies, and you certainly don&#8217;t know how to make one. <\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve never been to a craft show.<\/li>\n<li>You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t do your laundry without quarters.<\/li>\n<\/li>\n<li>None of your fur coats are homemade.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You think barbecue is a verb meaning &#8220;to cook outside.&#8221; You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! You don&#8217;t have any problems pronouncing &#8220;Worcestershire sauce&#8221; correctly. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. You don&#8217;t know what a moon pie is. You&#8217;ve never had grain alcohol. You&#8217;ve never, ever, eaten Okra. You eat [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[1077,1554],"class_list":["post-3549","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-regional","tag-northerner","tag-yankee"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3549","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3549"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3549\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}