{"id":3547,"date":"2015-01-25T19:04:06","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3547"},"modified":"2015-01-25T19:04:06","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T17:04:06","slug":"you-know-youre-in-a-southern-church-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3547","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;re In A Southern Church When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>The call to worship is, &#8220;Ya&#8217;ll come on in now.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.<\/li>\n<li>The preacher says, &#8220;I&#8217;d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and 5 guys stand up.<\/li>\n<li>The restrooms are outside.<\/li>\n<li>Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.<\/li>\n<li>A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck, because &#8220;It ain&#8217;t never been in a hole it couldn&#8217;t get out of.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When it rains, everyone is smiling.<\/li>\n<li>Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice. <\/li>\n<li>The choir group is known as the &#8220;OK Chorale.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The pastor wears boots.<\/li>\n<li>Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.<\/li>\n<li>There is no such thing as a &#8220;secret&#8221; sin.<\/li>\n<li>Baptism is referred to as &#8220;branding&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.<\/li>\n<li>Finding and returning lost sheep isn&#8217;t just a parable.<\/li>\n<li>High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.<\/li>\n<li>People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.<\/li>\n<li>People think &#8220;rapture&#8221; is when you lift something too heavy.<\/li>\n<li>Baptisms take place in the creek behind the church.<\/li>\n<li>The final words of the benediction are, &#8220;Ya&#8217;ll come back now, ya hear?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The call to worship is, &#8220;Ya&#8217;ll come on in now.&#8221; People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. The preacher says, &#8220;I&#8217;d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and 5 guys stand up. The restrooms are outside. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,51],"tags":[1340],"class_list":["post-3547","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","category-regional","tag-southern-church"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3547","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3547"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3547\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}