{"id":3528,"date":"2015-01-25T13:31:26","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T11:31:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3528"},"modified":"2015-01-25T13:31:26","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T11:31:26","slug":"rules-of-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3528","title":{"rendered":"Rules of Work"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.<\/li>\n<li>If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.<\/li>\n<li>Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.<\/li>\n<li>If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, do not open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.<\/li>\n<li>If you give me more than one job to do, do not tell me which is priority. I am psychic.<\/li>\n<li>Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.<\/li>\n<li>If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.<\/li>\n<li>If you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.<\/li>\n<li>If you have special instructions for a job, do not write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.<\/li>\n<li>Never introduce me to the people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.<\/li>\n<li>Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager&#8217;s hell.<\/li>\n<li>Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it is nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.<\/li>\n<li>Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I am not here for the money anyway.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52,70],"tags":[1091],"class_list":["post-3528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rules","category-work","tag-office-rules"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3528"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3528\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}