{"id":3496,"date":"2015-01-25T13:03:04","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T11:03:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3496"},"modified":"2015-01-25T13:03:04","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T11:03:04","slug":"rules-for-jewish-living","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3496","title":{"rendered":"Rules for Jewish Living"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Never take a front-row seat at a bris.<\/li>\n<li>If you can&#8217;t say something nice, say it in Yiddish.<\/li>\n<li>The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.<\/li>\n<li>Always whisper the names of diseases.<\/li>\n<li>Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.<\/li>\n<li>Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?<\/li>\n<li>If you are going to whisper at the movies, make sure it&#8217;s loud enough for everyone else to hear.<\/li>\n<li>If you have to ask the price, you can&#8217;t afford it. But if you can, make sure you tell everybody what you paid.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s not whom you know, it&#8217;s whom you know that had a nose job.<\/li>\n<li>If you don&#8217;t eat it, it will kill me.<\/li>\n<li>Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.<\/li>\n<li>There comes a time in every man&#8217;s life when he must stand up and tell his mother that he is an adult. This usually happens at around age 45.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Never take a front-row seat at a bris. If you can&#8217;t say something nice, say it in Yiddish. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana. Always whisper the names of diseases. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy? If you are going to whisper at the movies, make [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[870],"class_list":["post-3496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rules","tag-jewish"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3496"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3496\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}