{"id":3488,"date":"2015-01-25T12:45:42","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T10:45:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3488"},"modified":"2015-01-25T12:45:42","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T10:45:42","slug":"rules-for-dining-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3488","title":{"rendered":"Rules for Dining Out"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">by Jim Moore Jr<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Rule number one: If you&#8217;re traveling, never ever eat in any place called &#8220;Mom&#8217;s&#8221; &#8212; well, unless the only other places in town to dine are named &#8220;Eats&#8221; and &#8220;Dirty Harry&#8217;s&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number two: If you&#8217;ve entered a restaurant in the &#8220;Little Italy&#8221; section of the town, and you&#8217;ve noticed all the waiters are wearing shoulder holsters, you&#8217;d better just leave.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number three: If you&#8217;re waiting in line to be seated at a nice restaurant, you can always figure a wait of two hours or a twenty &#8212; whichever comes first.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number four: If you&#8217;re given a choice of tables by the maitre d&#8217;hotel, my suggestion is that you always request one near a waiter.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number five: If you notice that the tablecloth and the napkins are made of a better material than any suit you own, you&#8217;d better hope your credit card is not maxed-out.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number six: If you&#8217;re in a fancy restaurant and you find you cannot pronounce some dish on the menu, chances are you probably can&#8217;t afford it either.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number seven: If you&#8217;ve been served bread and rolls while awaiting your meal, and you find the place is using a cheap substitute for margarine, you&#8217;d probably better just leave.<\/li>\n<li>Rule number eight: If you notice a bottle of Maalox along with a variety of other antacids among the condiments on the table, you&#8217;d probably better not order anything spicy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Jim Moore Jr Rule number one: If you&#8217;re traveling, never ever eat in any place called &#8220;Mom&#8217;s&#8221; &#8212; well, unless the only other places in town to dine are named &#8220;Eats&#8221; and &#8220;Dirty Harry&#8217;s&#8221;. Rule number two: If you&#8217;ve entered a restaurant in the &#8220;Little Italy&#8221; section of the town, and you&#8217;ve noticed all [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,52],"tags":[513],"class_list":["post-3488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-foods","category-rules","tag-dining-out"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3488"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3488\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}