{"id":3480,"date":"2015-01-25T12:39:49","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T10:39:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3480"},"modified":"2015-01-25T12:39:49","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T10:39:49","slug":"the-rules-of-chocolate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3480","title":{"rendered":"The Rules of Chocolate"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>If you&#8217;ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you&#8217;re eating it too slowly.<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.<\/li>\n<p><li>The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car.<br \/>\nThe solution: Eat it in the parking lot.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It&#8217;ll take the edge off your appetite and you&#8217;ll eat less.<\/li>\n<li>A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn&#8217;t that handy?<\/li>\n<li>If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.<\/li>\n<li>If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don&#8217;t they actually counteract each other?<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.<\/li>\n<p><li>Q.  Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?<br \/>\nA. Because no one wants to quit.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Money talks.  Chocolate sings.  Beautifully.<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate has many preservatives.  Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.<\/li>\n<li>Put &#8220;eat chocolate&#8221; at the top of your list of things to do today.  That way, at least you&#8217;ll get one thing done.<\/li>\n<li>If you can&#8217;t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.  But if you can&#8217;t eat all your chocolate, what&#8217;s wrong with you?<\/li>\n<p><li>If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.<br \/>\nYou can&#8217;t let that happen, can you?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you&#8217;re eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[365],"class_list":["post-3480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rules","tag-chocolate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3480","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3480"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3480\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3480"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3480"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3480"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}