{"id":3464,"date":"2015-01-25T11:45:25","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:45:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3464"},"modified":"2015-01-25T11:45:25","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:45:25","slug":"you-may-be-a-redneck-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3464","title":{"rendered":"You May Be A Redneck If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">By Jeff Foxworthy<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d&#8217;oeuvre<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop<\/li>\n<li>There is a stuffed &#8216;possum mounted anywhere in your house<\/li>\n<li>You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment<\/li>\n<li>Less than half the cars you own run<\/li>\n<li>The primary color of your car is &#8220;Bond-O&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You have Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap in your bathroom<\/li>\n<li>Directions to your house include &#8220;turn off the paved road&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures<\/li>\n<li>Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people<\/li>\n<li>The manager of the sewage treatment plant tells you it&#8217;s time to wash your hair<\/li>\n<li>Everybody you meet can tell what kind of underwear you&#8217;re wearing<\/li>\n<li>You have a rag for a gas cap<\/li>\n<li>You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger side window<\/li>\n<li>The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights<\/li>\n<li>You grow corn in your front yard<\/li>\n<li>Your father fully executes the &#8220;pull my finger&#8221; trick during Thanksgiving dinner<\/li>\n<li>All your four letter words are two syllables<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts<\/li>\n<li>Your front porch has kitchen appliances on it<\/li>\n<li>Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs<\/li>\n<li>The &#8220;Save Naugahyde&#8221; protection group chooses your house as a picket site<\/li>\n<li>Your mother genuinely admires your girlfriend&#8217;s tattoos<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve ever been arrested for relieving yourself in an ice machine<\/li>\n<li>You think a Volvo is part of a woman&#8217;s anatomy<\/li>\n<li>The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve ever been fired from a construction job due to your appearance<\/li>\n<li>After removing the empty beer cans from you car you find you get 15 more miles to the gallon<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s impossible to see the food stains on the fabric of your work uniform<\/li>\n<li>You need one more hole punched in you card before you get a &#8220;freebie&#8221; at the House of Tattoos<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t need a clean shirt to go to work<\/li>\n<li>The family business requires a lookout<\/li>\n<li>You think the &#8220;six to ten pounds&#8221; on the side of the Pampers box means how much the diaper will hold<\/li>\n<li>The cockroaches left you a note saying, &#8220;Clean this place up!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When you hold a frog, it worries about getting warts<\/li>\n<li>You paint your car with housepaint<\/li>\n<li>You think a nutcracker is something you do off the high dive<\/li>\n<li>You know how to milk a goat<\/li>\n<li>Your best pick-up line for women is written on your ever-present baseball cap<\/li>\n<li>You refer to you van as &#8220;The Love Machine&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You have mason jars filled with stuff even the FBI can&#8217;t identify<\/li>\n<li>You see a sign that says &#8220;Just Say No to Crack&#8221; and it reminds you to pull up your jeans<\/li>\n<li>There are tobacco stains down the side of your truck<\/li>\n<li>You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don&#8217;t want it.<\/li>\n<li>Your belt buckle is bigger than your head<\/li>\n<li>The Orkin man tells you, &#8220;Give up; you&#8217;ve lost&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You think paprika is a Third world country<\/li>\n<li>You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport<\/li>\n<li>You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it<\/li>\n<li>Today&#8217;s dinner was too slow crossing the highway yesterday<\/li>\n<li>Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Jeff Foxworthy You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d&#8217;oeuvre You&#8217;ve ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley You&#8217;ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop There is a stuffed &#8216;possum mounted anywhere in your house You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment Less than half [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,51],"tags":[866],"class_list":["post-3464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","category-regional","tag-jeff-foxworthy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3464"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3464\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3464"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3464"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}