{"id":3459,"date":"2015-01-25T11:39:39","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:39:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3459"},"modified":"2015-01-25T11:39:39","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:39:39","slug":"a-jedi-knight-might-be-a-redneck-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3459","title":{"rendered":"A Jedi Knight Might Be a Redneck If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>if he uses his light saber to cut the bottlecap off a beer<\/li>\n<li>if he says &#8220;these are not the beers you&#8217;re looking for&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>if that &#8220;Disturbance in the Force&#8221; was just last night&#8217;s baked beans and spare ribs<\/li>\n<li>if the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside<\/li>\n<li>if he calls his young apprentice, &#8220;Juner(JR)&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>if he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up<\/li>\n<li>if the Force isn&#8217;t the only thing that runs in the family<\/li>\n<li>if he calls Hank Williams Jr. &#8220;Master&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>if his landspeeder has a gun rack<\/li>\n<li>if he meditiates to old CCR records<\/li>\n<li>if he calls Yoda his Li&#8217;l green buddy.<\/li>\n<li>if he has ever said, &#8220;Anger&#8230; fear&#8230;aggression&#8230; Yankees&#8230;the dark side are they.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>if his X-Wing has a still in it<\/li>\n<li>if his light saber has a beer can crusher in the base<\/li>\n<li>if there is more oil on his robes than in his astromech droid<\/li>\n<li>if his robes have the Golden Flour label on them<\/li>\n<li>if he trim his beard and finds a Mynock<\/li>\n<li>if he has ever used a light saber to light the barbecue grill<\/li>\n<li>if he uses Jawas for a drink holder<\/li>\n<li>if he fights with a light saber in one hand and a spit cup in the other<\/li>\n<li>if he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck<\/li>\n<li>if he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD<\/li>\n<li>if he thinks the best use of your light saber is picking his teeth<\/li>\n<li>if he ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because he had to spit.<\/li>\n<li>if his Jedi robe is Camouflage colored<\/li>\n<li>if at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored<\/li>\n<li>if he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok<\/li>\n<li>if he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks<\/li>\n<li>if he think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets<\/li>\n<li>if he has ever used the force in conjunction with fishing\/bowling<\/li>\n<li>if his father ever said to him, &#8220;Shoot, son, come on over t&#8217; the dark side&#8230;it&#8217;ll be a hoot.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>if he&#8217;s ever had his R-2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light\n<li>if he jump-starts his lightsaber off a car battery<\/li>\n<li>if he beat the Gamorrean Guard in an &#8220;Ugly&#8221; contest<\/li>\n<li>if his father&#8217;s name is Garth Vader<\/li>\n<li>if he got his light saber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids<\/li>\n<li>if he\u2019s ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin at his sister<\/li>\n<li>if he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs<\/li>\n<li>if he counts B. O. as a Jedi power<\/li>\n<li>if he&#8217;s ever used a light saber to skin a deer<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>if he uses his light saber to cut the bottlecap off a beer if he says &#8220;these are not the beers you&#8217;re looking for&#8221; if that &#8220;Disturbance in the Force&#8221; was just last night&#8217;s baked beans and spare ribs if the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside if he calls [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[1360],"class_list":["post-3459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","tag-star-wars"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3459","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3459"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3459\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3459"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3459"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3459"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}