{"id":3457,"date":"2015-01-25T11:38:55","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:38:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3457"},"modified":"2015-01-25T11:38:55","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:38:55","slug":"if-jesus-were-a-redneck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3457","title":{"rendered":"If Jesus Were A Redneck&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>He&#8217;d have brought a fishing pole with him when he walked on water.<\/li>\n<li>His last words on the cross would have been, &#8220;Hey, Paul, I kin see my house from up here.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>He&#8217;d be famous for turning water into beer.<\/li>\n<li>The prayer for the Passover meal would have been, &#8220;Good food, good meat, good God, let&#8217;s eat.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>His front yard would have been littered with broken down mule carts.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of a grail, King Arthur would been searching for the Holy Beer Mug.<\/li>\n<li>He would have cured blindness by yelling, &#8220;Yer healed&#8221; and slapping them on the forehead.<\/li>\n<li>The disciples would have included Billy Bob, Scooter, and Bubba.<\/li>\n<li>Sex, drinking, and dancing would clearly have been declared not sinful.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of a fish, the symbol for Jesus would be a fishing lure.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>He&#8217;d have brought a fishing pole with him when he walked on water. His last words on the cross would have been, &#8220;Hey, Paul, I kin see my house from up here.&#8221; He&#8217;d be famous for turning water into beer. The prayer for the Passover meal would have been, &#8220;Good food, good meat, good God, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50],"tags":[869],"class_list":["post-3457","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-redneck","tag-jesus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3457","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3457"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3457\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3457"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3457"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3457"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}