{"id":3451,"date":"2015-01-25T11:36:36","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:36:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3451"},"modified":"2015-01-25T11:36:36","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T09:36:36","slug":"music-terms-misunderstood-by-country-musicians","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3451","title":{"rendered":"Music Terms Misunderstood by Country Musicians"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Diminished Fifth &#8212; An empty bottle of Jack Daniels<\/li>\n<li>Perfect Fifth &#8212; A full bottle of Jack Daniels<\/li>\n<li>Ritard &#8212; There&#8217;s one in every family<\/li>\n<li>Relative Major &#8212; An uncle in the Marine Corps<\/li>\n<li>Relative Minor &#8212; A girlfriend<\/li>\n<li>Big Band &#8212; When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players<\/li>\n<li>Pianissimo &#8212; &#8220;Refill this beer bottle&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Repeat &#8212; What you do until they just expel you<\/li>\n<li>Treble &#8212; Women ain&#8217;t nothin&#8217; but<\/li>\n<li>Bass &#8212; The things you run around in softball<\/li>\n<li>Portamento &#8212; A foreign country you&#8217;ve always wanted to see<\/li>\n<li>Conductor &#8212; The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham<\/li>\n<li>Arpeggio &#8212; &#8220;Ain&#8217;t he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Tempo &#8212; Good choice for a used car<\/li>\n<li>A 440 &#8212; The highway that runs around Nashville<\/li>\n<li>Transpositions &#8212; Men who wear dresses<\/li>\n<li>Cut Time &#8212; Parole<\/li>\n<li>Order of Sharps &#8212; What a wimp gets at the bar<\/li>\n<li>Passing Tone &#8212; Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues<\/li>\n<li>Middle C &#8212; The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low<\/li>\n<li>Perfect Pitch &#8212; The smooth coating on a freshly paved road<\/li>\n<li>Tuba &#8212; A compound word: &#8220;Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Cadenza &#8212; That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes<\/li>\n<li>Whole Note &#8212; What&#8217;s due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year<\/li>\n<li>Clef &#8212; What you try never to fall off of<\/li>\n<li>Bass Clef &#8212; Where you wind up if you do fall off<\/li>\n<li>Altos &#8212; Not to be confused with &#8220;Tom&#8217;s toes,&#8221; &#8220;Bubba&#8217;s toes&#8221; or &#8220;Dori-toes&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Minor Third &#8212; Your approximate age and grade at the completion of formal schooling<\/li>\n<li>Melodic Minor &#8212; Loretta Lynn&#8217;s singing dad<\/li>\n<li>12-Tone Scale &#8212; The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with<\/li>\n<li>Quarter Tone &#8212; What most standard pickups can haul<\/li>\n<li>Sonata &#8212; What you get from a bad cold or hay fever<\/li>\n<li>Clarinet &#8212; Name used on your second daughter if you&#8217;ve already used Betty Jo<\/li>\n<li>Cello &#8212; The proper way to answer the phone<\/li>\n<li>Bassoon &#8212; Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when<\/li>\n<li>French Horn &#8212; Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come in at 4 a.m.<\/li>\n<li>Cymbal &#8212; What they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-in your pistol with<\/li>\n<li>Bossa Nova &#8212; The car your foreman drives<\/li>\n<li>Time Signature &#8212; What you need from your boss if you forget to clock in<\/li>\n<li>First Inversion &#8212; Grandpa&#8217;s battle group at Normandy<\/li>\n<li>Staccato &#8212; How you did all the ceilings in your mobile home<\/li>\n<li>Major Scale &#8212; What you say after chasing wild game up a mountain: &#8220;Darn! That was a major scale!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Aeolian Mode &#8212; How you like Mama&#8217;s cherry pie<\/li>\n<li>Bach Chorale &#8212; The place behind the barn where you keep the horses<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Diminished Fifth &#8212; An empty bottle of Jack Daniels Perfect Fifth &#8212; A full bottle of Jack Daniels Ritard &#8212; There&#8217;s one in every family Relative Major &#8212; An uncle in the Marine Corps Relative Minor &#8212; A girlfriend Big Band &#8212; When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players Pianissimo &#8212; &#8220;Refill [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,50],"tags":[446],"class_list":["post-3451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musics","category-redneck","tag-country-music"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3451"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3451\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}