“Looking back over the years
\nthat we’ve been together,
\nI can’t help but wonder:
\nWhat the fuck was I thinking?”<\/p>\n
“Congratulations on your wedding day!
\nToo bad no one
\nlikes your wife.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve always wanted to have
\nsomeone to hold, someone
\nto love.
\nAfter having met you,
\nI’ve changed my mind.”<\/p>\n
“I must admit,
\nyou brought Religion in my life.
\nI never believed in Hell
\nuntil I met you.”<\/p>\n
“As the days go by,
\nI think of how lucky I am
\nthat you’re not here
\nto ruin it for me.”<\/p>\n
“If I get only one thing for Christmas,
\nI hope it’s
\nyour sister.”<\/p>\n
“As you grow older, Mum,
\nI think of all the gifts
\nyou’ve given me.
\nLike the need for therapy…”<\/p>\n
“Thanks for being a part of my life!
\nI never knew what
\nevil was before this!”<\/p>\n
“Congratulations on your promotion.
\nBefore you go,
\nwould you like
\nto take this knife out of my back.
\nYou’ll probably need it again.”<\/p>\n
“We have been friends for a very long time,
\nwhat say we call it quits.”<\/p>\n
“I’m so miserable without you,
\nit’s almost like you’re here.”<\/p>\n
“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
\nDid you ever find out who the father was?”<\/p>\n
“You are such a good friend
\nthat if we were on a sinking ship
\nand there was only one life jacket…
\nI’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”<\/p>\n
“Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
\n…so we’re having you put to sleep.”<\/p>\n
“Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!”
\n(available only in Arkansas)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: What the fuck was I thinking?” “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[741],"class_list":["post-3444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry","tag-greeting-cards"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3444"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3444\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}