{"id":3431,"date":"2015-01-25T10:32:36","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T08:32:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3431"},"modified":"2015-01-25T10:32:36","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T08:32:36","slug":"the-new-alphabet-for-older-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3431","title":{"rendered":"The New Alphabet for Older People"},"content":{"rendered":"
\nA’s for arthritis
\nB’s for bad back
\nC’s for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?
\nD is for dental decay and decline
\nE is for eyesight–can’t read that top line
\nF is for fissures and fluid retention
\nG is for gas (which I’d rather not mention)
\nAnd other gastrointestinal glitches
\nH is high blood pressure
\nI is for itches
\nJ is for joints that are failing to flex
\nL’s for libido–what happened to sex?
\nWait! I forgot about K for bad knees
\n(I’ve got a few gaps in my M-memory)
\nN’s for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis
\nO is for osteo-
\nP’s for porosis
\nQ is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu?
\nR is for reflux–one meal becomes two
\nS is for sleepless nights counting my fears
\nT is for tinnitus–bells in my ears
\nU is for difficulties urinary
\nV is for vertigo
\nW is worry
\nAbout what the X–as in X ray–will find
\nBut through the word “terminal” rushes to mind,
\nI’m proud, as each
\nY – year – goes by, to reveal
\nA reservoir of undiminished
\nZ – zeal— For checking the symptoms my body’s deployed
\nAnd keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A’s for arthritis B’s for bad back C’s for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline E is for eyesight–can’t read that top line F is for fissures and fluid retention G is for gas (which I’d rather not mention) And other gastrointestinal glitches H is high blood pressure […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,65],"tags":[130],"class_list":["post-3431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-poetry","tag-alphabet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3431"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3431\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}