{"id":3398,"date":"2015-01-25T10:09:07","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T08:09:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3398"},"modified":"2015-01-25T10:09:07","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T08:09:07","slug":"the-ballad-of-the-bobbit-hillbillies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3398","title":{"rendered":"The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)<\/div>\n<p>Come and listen to my story of a man named John<br \/>\nA poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.<br \/>\nIt seems one night right after gettin&#8217; with his wife,<br \/>\nShe lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.<br \/>\n(Penis that is)<br \/>\n(Clean cut, missed his nuts)<\/p>\n<p>Well the next thing you know there&#8217;s a Ginsu by his side,<br \/>\nAnd Lorena&#8217;s in the car takin&#8217; Willie for a ride.<br \/>\nShe soon got tired of her purple headed friend,<br \/>\nAnd tossed him out the window as she came around the bend.<br \/>\n(Curve that is)<br \/>\n(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)<\/p>\n<p>She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,<br \/>\nAnd they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back. They<br \/>\nsniffed and they barked and they pointed &#8220;over there&#8221;, To John<br \/>\nWayne&#8217;s Henry that was waving in the air.<br \/>\n(Found that is)<br \/>\n(By the fence, evidence)<\/p>\n<p>Now Peter and John couldn&#8217;t stay apart too long,<br \/>\nSo a dick dock said, &#8220;Hey, I can fix your dong!&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8220;A needle and a thread is all you\u2019re gonna need.&#8221;<br \/>\nAnd the whole world waited &#8217;till they heard that Johnny peed.<br \/>\n(Whizzed that is)<br \/>\n(Even seam, straight stream)<\/p>\n<p>Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court, With<br \/>\na cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short.<br \/>\nThey cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,<br \/>\nAnd his pecker was the only thing they didn&#8217;t show on tape.<br \/>\n(Video, that is)<br \/>\n(Unexposed, case closed)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies) Come and listen to my story of a man named John A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone. It seems one night right after gettin&#8217; with his wife, She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife. (Penis that is) (Clean cut, missed his [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[875],"class_list":["post-3398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musics","tag-john-bobbit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3398"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3398\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}