by Alan Meiss<\/p>\n
I must express my gratitude
\nfor such a lovely gift.
\nYour thoughtfulness and taste is matched
\nonly by your thrift.
\nIt’s clear that you spared all expense,
\nif you catch my drift.
\nRemove the anti-theft device
\nwhen you again shoplift.<\/p>\n
We’re sorry you now mourn the loss
\nof your beloved cat.
\nFor if we had only braked in time,
\nit wouldn’t be so flat.<\/p>\n
It’s Christmas time, and once again,
\nthe family’s gathered ’round.
\nUncles, aunts, and cousins come
\nto raise a joyful sound.
\nAll that is, except for you,
\nwhom we can only send this mail.
\nBut we’ll save your gifts for fifty years
\ntill you get out of jail.<\/p>\n
The frost is on the meadow,
\nthe dew upon the grass.
\nHere’s your stinking birthday card,
\nnow shove it up your *ahem*.<\/p>\n
I’ve tender thoughts and memories
\nof the special time we shared.
\nI’d never been so close to you,
\nfor it was more than souls we bared.
\nBut I’ve since come to have regrets
\nand wonder if we erred,
\nFor now the sores have failed to heal,
\nand I’m getting really scared.<\/p>\n
This Christmas time I give to you
\na book that isn’t mine.
\nSo give it back before it’s due
\nor I’ll have to pay a fine.<\/p>\n
Golden fields of daffodils,
\nsparkling mountain streams,
\nCrisp clean air and cotton clouds,
\nvistas from our dreams.
\nBut all throughout our lovely trip,
\nto thoughts of you we’ve clung,
\nBecause you’ll never see these things
\nin your iron lung.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by Alan Meiss I must express my gratitude for such a lovely gift. Your thoughtfulness and taste is matched only by your thrift. It’s clear that you spared all expense, if you catch my drift. Remove the anti-theft device when you again shoplift. We’re sorry you now mourn the loss of your beloved cat. For […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[741],"class_list":["post-3382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry","tag-greeting-cards"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3382"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3382\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}