{"id":3370,"date":"2015-01-25T09:53:16","date_gmt":"2015-01-25T07:53:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3370"},"modified":"2015-01-25T09:53:16","modified_gmt":"2015-01-25T07:53:16","slug":"deteriorata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3370","title":{"rendered":"Deteriorata"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">by Tony Hendra for the National Lampoon<\/div>\n<p>(You are a fluke of the universe.<br \/>\nYou have no right to be here.<br \/>\nDeteriorata, Deteriorata) <\/p>\n<p>Go placidly amidst the noise and waste,<br \/>\nAnd remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.<br \/>\nAvoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.<br \/>\nRotate your tires.<br \/>\nSpeak glowingly of those greater than yourself;<br \/>\nAnd heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.<br \/>\nKnow what to kiss &#8211; and when.<br \/>\nConsider that two wrongs never make a right,<br \/>\nBut that three do.<br \/>\nWherever possible, put people on hold.<br \/>\nBe comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment,<br \/>\nAnd despite the changing fortunes of time,<br \/>\nThere is always a big future in computer maintenance. <\/p>\n<p>(You are a fluke of the universe.<br \/>\nYou have no right to be here.<br \/>\nWhether you can hear it or not,<br \/>\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.) <\/p>\n<p>Remember the Pueblo.<br \/>\nStrive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.<br \/>\nKnow yourself.<br \/>\nIf you need help, call the FBI.<br \/>\nExercise caution in your daily affairs,<br \/>\nEspecially with those persons closest to you.<br \/>\nThat lemon on your left, for instance.<br \/>\nBe assured that a walk through the seas of most souls<br \/>\nWould scarcely get your feet wet.<br \/>\nFall not in love therefore, it will stick to your face.<br \/>\nGracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan &#8211;<br \/>\nAnd let not the sands of time get in your lunch.<br \/>\nHire people with hooks.<br \/>\nFor a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken.<br \/>\nTake heart in the deepening gloom<br \/>\nThat your dog is finally getting enough cheese.<br \/>\nAnd reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot,<br \/>\nIt could only be worse in Milwaukee.<\/p>\n<p>(You are a fluke of the universe.<br \/>\nYou have no right to be here.<br \/>\nWhether you can hear it or not,<br \/>\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.)<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, make peace with your god,<br \/>\nWhatever you perceive him to be:<br \/>\nHairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.<br \/>\nWith all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,<br \/>\nThe world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP! <\/p>\n<p>(You are a fluke of the universe.<br \/>\nYou have no right to be here.<br \/>\nWhether you can hear it or not,<br \/>\nThe universe is laughing behind your back.) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Tony Hendra for the National Lampoon (You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. Deteriorata, Deteriorata) Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[1055],"class_list":["post-3370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry","tag-national-lampoon"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3370","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3370"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3370\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3370"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3370"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3370"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}