{"id":3321,"date":"2015-01-24T00:05:41","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:05:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3321"},"modified":"2015-01-24T00:05:41","modified_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:05:41","slug":"for-those-who-take-life-too-seriously","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3321","title":{"rendered":"For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Save the whales. Collect the whole set.<\/li>\n<li>A day without sunshine is like, night.<\/li>\n<li>On the other hand, you have different fingers.<\/li>\n<li>I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.<\/li>\n<li>42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.<\/li>\n<li>99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.<\/li>\n<li>I feel like I&#8217;m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.<\/li>\n<li>You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.<\/li>\n<li>I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.<\/li>\n<li>Honk if you love peace and quiet.<\/li>\n<li>Remember half the people you know are below average.<\/li>\n<li>Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?<\/li>\n<li>Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.<\/li>\n<li>Atheism is a non-prophet organization.<\/li>\n<li>He who laughs last thinks slowest.<\/li>\n<li>Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.<\/li>\n<li>Eagles may soar, but weasels don&#8217;t get sucked into jet engines.<\/li>\n<li>The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.<\/li>\n<li>I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.<\/li>\n<li>I intend to live forever &#8211; so far so good.<\/li>\n<li>Borrow money from a pessimist &#8211; they don&#8217;t expect it back.<\/li>\n<li>If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?<\/li>\n<li>My mind is like a steel trap &#8211; rusty and illegal in 37 states.<\/li>\n<li>Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.<\/li>\n<li>The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.<\/li>\n<li>Support bacteria &#8211; they&#8217;re the only culture some people have.<\/li>\n<li>When everything&#8217;s coming your way, you&#8217;re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.<\/li>\n<li>A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.<\/li>\n<li>Experience is something you don&#8217;t get until just after you need it.<\/li>\n<li>For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.<\/li>\n<li>Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.<\/li>\n<li>Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.<\/li>\n<li>No one is listening until you make a mistake.<\/li>\n<li>Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.<\/li>\n<li>The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.<\/li>\n<li>The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.<\/li>\n<li>The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.<\/li>\n<li>To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.<\/li>\n<li>To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.<\/li>\n<li>Monday is an awful way to spend 1\/7th of your life.<\/li>\n<li>You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.<\/li>\n<li>Two wrongs are only the beginning.<\/li>\n<li>The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.<\/li>\n<li>The sooner you fall behind the more time you&#8217;ll have to catch up.<\/li>\n<li>A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.<\/li>\n<li>Change is inevitable except from vending machines.<\/li>\n<li>Get a new car for your spouse &#8211; it&#8217;ll be a great trade!<\/li>\n<li>Plan to be spontaneous &#8211; tomorrow.<\/li>\n<li>Always try to be modest and be proud of it!<\/li>\n<li>If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.<\/li>\n<li>How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, then skydiving isn&#8217;t for you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[1434],"class_list":["post-3321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts","tag-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3321"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3321\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}