{"id":3319,"date":"2015-01-24T00:04:54","date_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:04:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=3319"},"modified":"2015-01-24T00:04:54","modified_gmt":"2015-01-23T22:04:54","slug":"fortune-cookies-youll-never-see","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=3319","title":{"rendered":"Fortune Cookies You&#8217;ll Never See"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Virgin like balloon &#8230; one prick, all gone.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Baseball wrong &#8230; man with four balls cannot walk!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Work to become, not to acquire.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Ok for shit to happen &#8230; will decompose.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who drive like hell bound to get there!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;War not determine who&#8217;s right, war determines who&#8217;s left.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Woman who goes to man&#8217;s apartment for snack, gets titbit.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Passionate kiss like spider web &#8212; lead to undoing of fly.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man with holes in pants pockets, feels cocky all day.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Virgin like balloon &#8230; one prick, all gone.&#8221; &#8220;Baseball wrong &#8230; man with four balls cannot walk!&#8221; &#8220;Work to become, not to acquire.&#8221; &#8220;A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.&#8221; &#8220;Ok for shit to happen &#8230; will decompose.&#8221; &#8220;Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk.&#8221; &#8220;It takes many nails to build crib, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[670],"class_list":["post-3319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-word-play","tag-fortune-cookies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3319\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}